That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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