a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
