If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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