fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
