She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
