your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
