New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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