So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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