Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
