Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ladies don't puke and tell
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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