so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I party with great urgency now.
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