Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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