but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
