Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
