The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
