Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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