So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
