ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
