My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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