Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
