I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
