can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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