I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
