I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
