someone threw a dead crab at me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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