now i know why i became what i already was.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
