Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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