My friends, they love my intelligence
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
