I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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