Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
