I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
