I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
