i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
