Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
