Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
