We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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