please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
