Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We just shotgunned beers for America
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
