awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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