well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
