Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
