She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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