Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
