normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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