its not stalking. its research.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
