just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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