her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
