It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
