You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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