It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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