***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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